Aliens reportedly land in Fairbanks, Alaska

Military denies any alien activity

By Clive Whistler

It sounds like the premise for a science-fiction/horror movie from the '70's. Mysterious "orange goo" started washing up on Alaskan shores Wednesday night, and so far, nobody has the slightest idea why. If you're like me, your first thought was something like, "Great, what did we spill into the ocean this time?" But here's the weirdest part ...

Initial tests of the substance show that it's neither petroleum-based nor man-made. And the area of Alaska where it's showing up, a "remote" village called Kivalina, isn't even heavily populated

Apparently the people of Kivalina are requesting that an algae expert perform further analysis on the goo, and I don't blame them -- if I lived there, I'd want this mystery solved ASAP. Because, let's face it, the longer we let this alien larvae sit there (come on, you know that's what it is!), the closer we get to extraterrestrial takeover!

Even if (and this is highly unlikely) the orange goo is not part of some alien plot, it stands to reason that we'd want to figure this out sooner rather than later. I'm no marine biologist, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and propose that maybe, probably, this substance is a sign of some sort of ... sea change we might want to be aware of? Just saying.

At least we can take comfort in the observation of one villager brave enough to dip her hand into the sherbet-colored muck: It doesn't smell bad. Phew! That has to be a good sign, right?

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